Friday, May 02, 2008

I hate today. today sucks.

Did ya ever feel that sickening feeling in your stomach when you try hard so hard and people don't believe you? Believe you love them, and when things become confusing they think the worst and do not trust do not trust you do not trust that you would never hurt them were not thinking of hurting them would never dream of hurting them?

This is the worst part of life. Being misunderstood. In that instant they've closed their heart and I am behind a wall. alone.
always alone.

I have 2 paintings to do today and that will put me in a better mood. Art saves me. When I want to run and disappear I disappear through paint and brushes and wax and layers and suddenly things make sense. Painting will always be here for me. Will always be waiting. Will always know my heart holds for it only my best intentions. People though, people aren't as easy to convince.

If no one has told you they loved you today
I. Love. You.


Isabel Adonis said...


This morning I said to my daughter.
Yemaya, that my greatest frustration in life was that I was so very talented but I could not truly use my talent because I didn't fit in anywhere. I am always on the other side of the wall - beyond the limits of other peoples thinking and language.

In answer she said " but you have helped me and all the other children and now I am able to help another"

Then she drew a picture of five birds in flight - the one in the middle, at the apex. She said " and this one is you mummy" You are right there ahead and these other ones are following you.

And bob(my partner) said, "Do you know why birds fly like that?" And we both said no. And he said "It's to save energy. The birds behind get an easier time of it".

So I want to say that you are not behind the wall but in front of it. Sadness, like art is also your friend, sadness is your little girl.Sadness is what makes you soar higher.

You are the person who led me to paint and to be free. Thankyou for being OUT there,like the bird, in front.

with gratitude.

Isabel Adonis.

BLUEYEDUCKstudios said...

wow - I cannot add anything more poignant than the last post has already expressed, but I had to chime in today to let you know I have been surfing through your youtubes and am breathless - yes breathless, with happyness at how rich your world is - you are a hero... you made my heart sing today :)


Ellen Lyn said...

Hey Suzi, I believe in you and I thank you for all the encouragement you have given me, someone you don't even know....I can't think of anything cooler than helping strangers just for the sake of helping them. You are a huge talent to my untrained eye and I hope you never stop what you are doing!! Buck up, Girl--you're tops in my book!!!

Nerd Bunny said...

I can only say thank you for all the joy that you have added to my life. Even when you are sad I want to be with you on your journey.
Being misunderstood is so very hard with it's loneliness. To feel so isolated, so disconnected is painful sometimes. I hope you find solace, then happiness in your painting today. Sometimes the only person we can really rely on is ourselves.
Love and light,
NB x

sf said...

ohhh, honey ---

Moonsown said...

Heya, Suzi!

Re: the wall

When someone builds a wall around their heart, it feels like we've been locked out, alone. Really, though, they've shut themselves off; they're trapped inside. We're still outside with all the wonder and potential. Don't blame yourself that they've chosen to exclude themselves from all this scary yet magnificent "outside" we're living in.

I think you're very brave, and I'm sorry that you're having such a tough day. Keep on being your honest self, and, if the other person is meant to walk with you, the wall will come down. If it doesn't ... well, you've got all the rest of us zany travellers with you.



Flassie's Fil'a said...


Sheree Rensel said...

Oh Suzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Why do you think I am an artist? I grew up in a bizarre world of alcoholic parents. Noise, violence, and general mayhem was the daily routine. Luckily, I had "creative genes". I learned from childhood I could hide and create my own "Sheree World" through art. The unlucky part is that I have the sensibilities of an artist. I get hurt so easily. I take it hard too.
You know I am a "giver". I tend to be generous to a fault. I never expect to get stuff in return. Recently, I sent out eight different things to various people. Yet, it is still shocking to me to this day how I don't even get an email from people who I send things to. Not even an email. This is why I appreciate it when I get a "thumbs up" or an email from people like you.
The moral of the story is we have to be who we are and realize everyone isn't like us. I do what I do to make me and other people happy. If other people don't appreciate us, that is their loss. Cheer up. Otherwise, I will have to start singing "Tomorrow the sun will come up, tomorrow, tomorrow....." You don't want me to do that. I am a painter, not a singer!! LOL LOL

Anonymous said...

I hear that...and it can feel like the pain is endless.

I recently read "trust is visceral" and I really think that speaks to when someone doesn't trust you why you feel it in your body.

It is days like this I just want a place to rest. May it be so for you.

Shell said...

Hi Suzi,

All you can do is know you did your best. People who have been hurt deeply put up walls. It has nothing to do with you but everything to do with the person.

I have been in that same situation. Do your paintings and work thru the sadness. Crank up some music and get all those emotions out of you.

Brahdelt said...

We love you too, Suzi, me and my cat! *^v^*

Lily said...

I hope by the time I have written this that your art has moved you to a better place. I've had a rubbish day courtesy of the 'day job' too!
Your such an inspiration to so many people, just look at the beautiful comments people have left here. Let our good vibes carry you for a while. There's a whole lot of hugs and good thoughts coming your way xx

Lily said...

Hi Suzy - I hope your painting has moved you to a better place by now. I had a rubbish day too! I'm going to spend time on my music or drawing this evening - come back to myself.
Sometimes wires get crossed, people don't understand. I know that feeling only too well. It's awful and bleak and lonely. Let time pass - paint, sing, let it out. Stay true to yourself. If you're behind the wall, draw yourself a doorway, paint a mural on it. There's always a way through, even when we can't see it. Ask your dreams for help.
You are a huge inspiration to so many people. The comments here are lovely.
You are beautiful as you are - mind, body and spirit.
Wishing you a much better day tomorrow x

Taly said...

Thank you. I love you too.

Karina said...

We love you too. Thank you...I needed that!

(Sorry its such a sucky day! I hate those days.)

I NEED to do art today too. Art is so healing (that's why it found me!).

Anonymous said...

Ooh sweet Suzi,
I am so sorry your feeling sad.
Somehow on this sad day you made me so so happy.
Today I received my beautiful painting from you! You bring people such joy in so many ways with your words of wisdom and your art, all from your heart.
I hope all these hugs sent by everybody help you get into a better frame of mind and I think isabel a is right and you are the bird out front. Just look behind you and you will see we are all following you, our art goddess into the brighter skies!
many many hugs and a big cup of tea

Lor J. said...

I get this usually when I'd been dreading it in the beginning. - It's like the possibility is there as a little seed within me and just manifests itself. - I've had to take those little dreads and bring them out, have a little talk with them, let myself know that everything's really ok and there's no reason to fear before I can pursue anything that could possibly be missunderstood. - if it really does happen out of the blue, then it's not about you at all, and it's unfortunate, but there's really not much you can do except understand that it has NOTHING to do with you, that you did well, you did what you felt in your heart and that was the best you could have done. - But even more, to allow yourself to receive all that is good for you. - Settle for nothing less, and nothing less shall come your way. Don't be sad.. How can you say that you're alone when you got so many people who love you and tell you so? I love you Suzi, you're not alone, and you're truly beautiful :)

Serena said...

It can be very painful when people don't believe you and misunderstand you. I think all you can do is be patient and trust that things will be okay. Know that it will pass so let your light shine regardless. ((((Suzi))))

Victorian Lady said...

Hate to see you sad Suzi. :( If I could send you some baby giggles, I would! :)

Hang in there!


Babytreese said...

I'm sorry you had such a sh*tty day sweetie...we all have them honey...I thank God for my art too...but most of all I'm thankful for my memories of all of the good times I have had in my life and the good friends I have managed to hold on to all these years. I hope today is better for ya honey. I want to thank you for turning us on to artistcellar! I can't wait to get my fresco flakes and my byzantium paint! WOO HOO!! YOU ROCK SUZI BLU!!

Shonna said...

I so appreciate how honest you are about the ups and downs of your life. So many people try to pretend everything is always perfect in their lives and its a bunch of shit!! I try to surround myself with people that are honest and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you and your blog. I can never begin to explain to you how much your art means to me. You are the one that inspired me to pick up a paint brush and try painting!!!! And now I feel like I am doing what I was meant to do. I'm so sorry you are hurting! Please know you are such a inspiration to so many of us blog readers and not just because of your art. Love you too! Shonna

3rdEyeMuse said...

I love you ... more

crafty said...

A big bear hug 2u
crafty joan in italy

suze said...

Sorry you are feeling sucky. I think that sometimes we need to have bad days so that we really appreciate the good ones.
Pink is my happy color and I hope it brightens your mood when you make my painting.
Sending love back to you!

julochka said...

it is very hard for me to believe that you could misunderstood, because you are so very honest and real and put yourself out there in a very authentic way all the time. even if whoever it is doesn't a whole lotta people out here in the blogosphere love you!

happy weekend!

peshe said...

Suzi, while I want my SUZIBLU fix, I am immensely proud of you for the risk you took sharing this pained part of you.

Here's to knowing the next painting will be make of drops of paint mixed with the gem of tears.


Robyn from Aus said...

Dear Suzi, I know exactly what you're feeling darlin'.
Living with it daily can be soul crushing if you let it, sometimes it's just easier to let go, let go of the negative people and their negative thoughts, we cannot change the way they think, if they cannot see before their own eyes the reality of the love that is there for them then that's their problem, nothing we do or say can change it.
Surround yourself with uplifting thoughts and people.
Being misunderstood is hard, but we can't fight it so we should embrace it.
Love ourselves for what and who we are.

Anonymous said...


That's tough - I hate not being understood or worse, not trusted. It is infuriating. But it happens to the best of us - and even from the people closest to us.

You have inspired so many people to let go and trust themselves to be free with the art and imagination. All those people, including myself, love you too.

Carmen said...

I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug!

angel said...

Dear Suzi,
I cannot add more beautiful words! Everything has been said and so pretty by all the above! This will be the 30th comment so at least you know 30 people believe you and love you too!!!! Keep your head up girl, you are such a great person and never doubt that no matter what other people say!
big hugs and kisses

Denise said...

Make that 31 people.

I am so sorry. All written above have said it better than I could ever wish. I just hope that wall is lifted and it is a better day today.

Anonymous said...

32. I love you Suzi, and can SO relate to everything you say in this post. Thank you so much for your honesty. I'm sat in the middle of England, feeling comforted by your words after the biggest (life-changing) misunderstanding of a morning...
Now for some Art!
Stay strong, sweetheart.
Big Hugs xXx

Anonymous said...

Suzi Blu....I love you!!!!

Hope you are feeling better today!


Lisa said...

I. Love. You. Too. It's so hard when people come to you with all the shit from past relationships. Just keep loving. Because you are love Suzi.

Brent said...

I'm really really sorry that day was so crappy for you, and I definitely know exactly what you mean. It's almost as if having a creative mind separates you from others and its just really hard sometimes.

But you always have art to turn to, as well as a legion of fans online that love you and are inspired by you everyday.

Cheer up <3

Di said...

Just recently come across your bloga. I really enjoy it and the videos too. Thank you for sharing so much of who you are and for being so encouraging.

You are an amazing giving person! *hugs*

a simple offering said...

aaahhhhh, suziblu, i luv u! big hugs.

i believe you and i believe in you.

you are amazing. don't let anyone take from that in any way.

stay tru 2 u, suziblu.