Monday, May 12, 2008

art meditation

Honestly I dont hold any resentment today. Its just non important. There's so much real love to be had in the world that some dude making goo goo eyes at me is laughable. Like who cares? who the hell are you? Id much rather a person look at me with love because with my encouragement they've finally finally painted something and are not judging themselves. Thats a good feeling. Or giving a mentally challenged person the confidence to express themselves and feel dignified in doing so.My god that is more important.
and wine
and poems
and oh I love you so much it hurts
my its boring.
I might be a slutty gal cause Ive had it since I was in 5th grade.
Its not real!
We are biologically driven to become enamored by someone for as much time as it takes to procreate, then the crazy romantic lust fades. Its a trick by our genes! If the two of you are friends than real love can endure but REAL LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROMANTIC LOVE. and so therefore it is fake.

which is why the dali lama has never had sex and I get it now. I do.
sex is not bad but beautiful, of course, but its not necessary and even hinders loving someone for real. with romantic love you are seeing that person as an object. a way to fulfill your desire. If you are not thinking of fkg them then you can see them only with light. Not here for yOu.

I am thinking of making this video a little different. maybe adding an art meditation.


1 p.m.
This is why I get into trouble


Taly said...

Strong words to which I agree !! Go girl !!!

You ARE inspiring people and creating light in the world. You SHOULD be proud of it. VERY proud and very HAPPY.

meg said...

totally agree my suzee bluzee xo

tascha said...

I agree. Frankly, I think sex and love have nothing to do with each other. You can have sex with someone you is primal. Love is spiritual.

CallMeNiner said...

Sex doesn't always have to be the result of lustful desires. And real love doesn't end after procreating. If someone thinks so then maybe they're not having or using sex for the real reasons they want to. Forgive me for opening up but I've had 2 partners. Both during 5 and 6 year relationships that began as best friend relationships. I can honestly say I had real love for both of them. I'm not the norm. I wait before I let real love become overcome with romantic love. This probably makes no sense as I see myself starting to babble.

mercury said...

I've been trying to relay this to my husband for YEARS!

He pops a boner in the middle of the kitchen and says "It's because I loooove you!" Um... No. It's because your hormones are in overdrive and testosterone is at the wheel.

I then went on to explain that he loved his mother, but sure hoped he didn't pop a boner for her. His eyes went like this >> O.O

Lust and Love are separate entities. They can co-exist together, but neither of them is required for the other.

mercury said...


I wish I could let my resentments go so easily/quickly.

I tend to wallow.

Moonsown said...

Sex can be a beautiful and spiritual thing, but body has to follow the spirit, and it has to be approached (I think and believe) with intention, of both partners, that it should be that way.

Many ancient traditions held human intercourse as a pathway to enlightenment. (The Greeks, though, started that whole mind/body are separate stuff, which began the trouble). It was only about the third century after Christ that St. Augustine and those guys really started aliening the divine feminine; it's believed that Islam may have picked up the bad habit (with its negative connotations of "women = sex, sex = evil, therefore women = evil").

It's a shame.

But for love, physical and spiritual, to be sacred, it can't be just spiritual and need-driven, but celebratory and respectful. It takes a pretty strong relationship to handle that. In my experience.

A big part of that is that both partners are honest, and aware that they are pretty durn near transcendent solo, before they enter into "the act". And never, ever, deceit and actions to hurt someone along the way. It's an acceptance, then suspension of self, that makes it possible.

And how many people do you know who can do that? Dang few, in my case, dang few.

Anyhow... sorry for the rambling. There are certainly easier pathways to bliss, and one partner can't be expected to pick the other one up on her back and carry him 'cause he's not ready for the challenge.

I recommend:
The Red Book, by Sera J. Beak, for some groovy spiritual boosting.

Suzi said...

I think youre confusing my statement about romantic love versus genuine love - I am not saying that I dont believe you cant have sex and love. of course you can I mean they do in the movies right? Never happened to me personally but I believe its possible.

What Suzi is talking about is her penchant for Romantica...i.e. omg hes sO cut and sO sweet and he says he wants to love me forever and he wrote this cd for me holy shit and we stay up all night drunk in each others arms and I COULD JUST DIE because its art and poetry and completely the best reason to be alive and ISNT THIS GRAND.

I now believe how Ive lived my life up until this very day, has been very very wrong in terms of love. I do fall fast and I do fall for bullshit. No Ive never had a real relationship its always been wine and roses and fuck why wont he go foodshopping with me? The few non artist guys Ive dated have been only worse - endless hours of hockey or there shaking head at the passion of my little 'hobbies'.

so Im not doing it anymore. as much as I thought that was thEE best thing about life, that queasy feeling in your stomach when you think of them - its so god damn fake, cause it never turns out that they are true. I am an easy girl to lie to apparently.

Carol said...

I am married to a wonderful man (second marriage) who accepts me for who I am and shows it. However, I am older than you Suzi and was brought up with the old school notion that women are not "good enough" unless they are beautiful and sexy. I have spent many years trying to believe otherwise and have improved, but it is still hard to look in the mirror and not judge whether I am "good enough" simply by what I see. How do women like me finally stop believing these lies once and for all? I was very blessed by the wisdom of your comments and would love to hear any other comments that might open my eyes. By the way, I am one of those people who you inspired to pick up the paintbrushes again and for that I love you more than you will ever know.

Moonsown said...

Yeah, sorry if I sounded preachy.

I totally get what you're saying.

It's really easy to be swept off your feet by the adrenaline & magic of it all. Also, I think that women (particularly artsy ones like us) have a gift for seeing the POTENTIAL in people, yes? And that's so very very easy to love, what people CAN be, even though that's not necessarily what they ARE....

puppies are much more straightforward, aren't they? And they can't misrepresent, either. YES they want those cookies, and they want them now!

That honesty will generally get a cookie out of me.


mercury said...

start watching documentaries :P

Shell said...

Romantic love and real love can be with the same person. It has to be the right person and has to flow naturally. When it comes, you will know.

turquoise cro said...

Yes, I totally agree with Shell! and your lil movie video shows it! ROmance is Real Love! They are romantic and YOU can seeeeeee the real Love betwen them! *sigh* and this kind of LOVE is real, Thank God, I'm living it! Even a walk with my hubby in the cemetary where we walk is romantic, we make it that way because we have real love for each other and I HOPE and pray YOU find that Sue Suzi Blu and I HOPE and pray my daughter finds it!

CallMeNiner said...

You gotta stop watching THE NOTEBOOK! You didn't see my parady video about chick porn did you? :)

CallMeNiner said...

Ya know what else??? We all say this and go through it. Remember the last time you got really drunk and the next morning you said you'd NEVER drink again? Same thing. You're dealing with a love hangover and you're never gonna love again until next time. Wanting and needing love is the eternal vice.

suzi blu said...

I know youre new here so Im cutting you some slack. You do realize you are the only guy who comments in my blog right? so your words stick out like a sore male thumb. ha.

The last time I did drink, in fact, was 2 years ago and 4 days. It WAS the last time I ever got drunk and I plan on never getting drunk again. I have a hangover because I went for he good stuff before real substance.

My problem with the notebook is that my relationships look like this, they do, they say all these things. Its a big giant romantic thing...and then, they take off. so to me, this doesn't look like love at all. if a guy were to say this stuff to me I just cant believe it. its never been true!

Mr Niner, I know you mean well, but you dont know me at all. really. know me, like the chicks here do.

Moonsown said...

BTW, Sue, I didn't mention how inspiring your first bit here was, about how you'd prefer someone to look at you with love because...


You've given so much joy to so many! Thank you for being YOU!

suzi blu said...

and calling The Notebook 'Chick Porn' is offensive. Movies geared toward women do tend to be dramatic and emotional and about real life problems, unlike 'guy movies' which tend to be superficial bullshit. If anything guy movies are more like porn with sophomoric dialog, meaningless scenarios and stereotypical portrayals of women.

Romance might be fake but its only because it doesnt come natural to most men who are driven by libido. It does, however, come naturally to women therefore movies expressing this side of them are not pornographic but examples of how rich our sexual/spiritual souls are.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya, Suzi Blu! That's what gets all of us in trouble..the thing to remember is that one or maybe two writers thought all the words and actions those lovely actors embodied...that's why it fits together so well! Love ya!

Nina said...

I think it's the James Taylor song "I Was A Fool To Care" which has the line I've loved since I was in my 30's. "Wish I were an old man, and love was thru with me".

It's finally happened. I'm getting divorced and I'm going to be 60. I'm (at least in the eyes of others) an old woman and that kind of love is thru w me. I see now w eyes and a heart that love without needing love in return.

Maybe you won't have to wait this long!! :-)

Moonsown said...

Nina, congratulations on your new life! I hope you're planning on having cake and a party to celebrate your new status! I wish you much joy and creativity in your new chapter.

Moonsown said...

May I recommend the online shop Eve's Garden for any of you ladies looking for a little something special to celebrate yourself physically (with or without a partner)? If you don't know it, you should.

CallMeNiner said...

Ok so I'm in the minority here. I didn't know it was all women. My chick porn thing was a bit of a parady. BUT... you have to admit it's not healthy to set a standard for men based on movies. To be honest with you... a friend of mine a very good guy had his wife leave him for a guy she met on the internet. Some random guy from far away was telling her everything she wanted to here and she left her husband for this. They shared a computer and on this computer he later finds that she's got all these movies downloaded and bookmarked from movies like the Notebook with collages and background music. She was getting poems and all this stuff without even really knowing this person who was promising her that kind of life. That's why I did that video. I don't think it's offensive. And I say this without trying to be argumentative. Just my own experiences. I am new here. I'm sorry if I speak from a male perspective. And I am a very good guy. I've never cheated, I am not into the porn and I love independent women. That's not bad for starters. :) I do mean well. And I dont know you. You're right. So I won't comment anymore. I apologize.

suzi blu said...

Leave it to nance to brin dildos into the conversation!

yes but, eh, that is getting so boring.

suzi blu said...

mr niner - If someone cheats it is because something in their relationship is missing for them. perhaps her husband should have wrote her more poems.

for girls like me, I have a problem with regular life. unfortunately.

Moonsown said...

We should all watch Frida again tonight. Wouldn't that be cool?

CallMeNiner said...

Ok before I stick my foot in my mouth again I just wanna say I still think you're the most awesomest rock goddess. BUT... poems are poems. Most any dude can throw some words together. Poems are the icing. Scrape that stuff off first and taste the cake. The substance. Is this guy gonna be there through thick and thin? Is he the type of guy who will argue your point even when he knows you're wrong because he supports you? That's worth a million poems. I'm just saying... I'm gonna stop now. Alright, guys are idiots. There I've said it. I caved.

Mr. MaleSoreThumb

bLu eYd YoGi said...

wow! see what happens~ i celebrated mother's day & missed all the drama here~ lots to read!
suzi Bee~ it will come when you are happy & in love with yourself & not looking for it~
wishing you allllll the best!

imaginaryeverything said...


Seriously, I get along with my significant other SO much more now that I stopped trying to put more meaning than I had to into the sex.

It is what it is. Let it be.

suzi blu said...

Well Miss BLUE EYE, lol, I do love myself and I wasnt looking for it in the least. These things get handed to me and I avoid them, but then say, ahh, okay, perhaps Im putting up a block to love? So I give in.

For thee record. I have been single for 8 years. This isnt a bad thing at all. Ive done much healing in that time. But I indeed dont go looking for it.

Marianne Williamson said something once that applies here - its from a course in miracles in which people think they must become pure before they can present themselves to god. But god says 'Ahh! But I am the purifier!"

I think it is false to assume you have to be 100% perfect before you can love. But yes, loving yourself is hugely important.

suzi blu said...

there were these two old men, one Greek and the other Italian, arguing about whose country was the best.
the old Greek guy says

"well the Greeks invented sex!"

and the Italian said

"yes but the Italians introduced it to WOMEN!"

Sheree Rensel said...

Oh Suzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Come on now. It is great to have those kind of dreams. It is great to be a free spirit. It is great to think you have a soul mate. However, that clip is a piece of HOLLYWOOD fiction. You are smart enough to know that. I am not trying to be a stick in the mud, but you have to realize there is such a huge difference between fantasy and reality.
They don't match. :-(
Even though I think your momentary reaction will be "NO NO NO", I KNOW, you KNOW.

suzi blu said...

Believe it or not Sheree, I dont want to live in a world where that is not true. which is why Im so fkd up.

suze said...

Geez, I almost feel guilty for having a romantic husband of 26+ years. But it took three tries and a lot of heartache to get here.

nollyposh said...

So syncronistic for me this topic, as l have just had this very conversation with a friend over the misinterpretation by her latest "bow" about what sex is and where it's place is within a new relationship... Her experience (recently) was that a 'soul connection' opportunity was there and his... Lets just "bonk" and sort the rest out later if necessary... He thought her nieve to be thinking of a romantic soul connection so early and she sad that he was just first and foremost interested in her vagina... This 'crossed wire' thing seems to be the eternal struggle... Men are so ingrained with the instinct of species survival in their genetics and woman with the love to form/maintain something 'real'... no?

Anonymous said...

This post and comments are amazing to me, crying and laughing my way through.

Suzi: First, I understand completely what you are saying. I grew up believing in the fairytale. You fall in love, ride off into the sunset with your prince charming and live happily ever after. Simple as that. Hollywood perpetuates the idea, soap operas, romance novels. So we continue the search even though we know life is rarely, rarely that simple. Sometimes I think what I fall in love with is really love itself, or I fall in love with being loved: You love me and that feels good so that must mean I love you. Geesh.

Moonsown: Your comments about the divine feminine - something I'm exploring. I'm reading The Dissident Daughter now. Do you have any other recommendations?

Carol: About being good enough? Yes, yes, yes... always always we girls think we have to be good girls. Our mommies and daddies told us to be good girls. The church tells us to be good girls. We believe that mean prefer the "nice girls" to marry. If you don't have anything nice to say... yada yada yada. I see now that it takes two to make a relationship work and my being good enough and sexy enough and sweet enough and pretty enough is NOT ENOUGH to carry the relationship.

God I wish we were all sitting together in the same room talking about all this together. I NEED this kind of sharing and support in my life!

tranquilchaos said...

i, too, wish we were sitting together talking about this. can we stickam or something?

suzi - you ARE love and i feel it!

Bonafyde said...

This is an interesting post and the comments that follow as well. here`s my 2 cents. I agree with you that long term relationships will differ from that first feeling you get when you fall for someone or into Lust for someone...that feeling that they can do you no wrong and that everything about the two of you is so in sync, so destined,etc...then of course as time progresses their representative (that`s the person you first BF and I came up with that...although we got it from Chris rock!) starts slipping and the real person starts to emerge, the whole person. Because no one is entirely good. Not me, not you, not anyone....
So there you are love smacked and here is this person that says they are in love with you but alas they have flaws....lots of them...they do things that grate on your nerves at times, they are at times selfish or appear to not care...of course you know this because you know what caring is and loving is...after all you love them this way (place examples here) and you show it by doing X,Y, Z....
What I`ve learned is that everyone loves and display differently. I cannot judge my Husband on the basis that he doesn`t do it the way I do. Example...Iwas raised to honor holidays and use them as a platform to demonstrate caring and love and family values, whilst my DH was raised in a family that didn`t really participate much in them, and he also went through a long seperation from his parents from an early age which made holidays difficult and hurtful for him. So when holidays roll around here I am with all my expectations and I could easily say well he must not Love me becasue he didn`t do this or that...but he does love me and he does so me in so many ways if I can only see past my WAY of doing things.

Am I making sense???

My Mother told me a long time ago that I should always judge someone by what they do rather than listen to what they say...

So whenever a smooth talker, roses and chocolates and all that jazz came along I would ok...thats nice let me slow down and measure what he does against wheat he says and if it doesn`t match up I would just move on.

Along came my Dh who may not be so smooth or do the chocolates and the roses and all the dramatics but he sure shows me loyalty, he has my back through the good times and the bad times. and you know what...he still sometimes forgets to pick me up a card! ;) but he always remembers to leave me glass of homemade juice, he makes me breakfast everyday and reminds me to take my
my point is some people show their love in different ways.

I`m sure that when you least expect it love will come find you Suzi!

Moonsown said...

Redpearl ... Dissident Daughter is a great book! Have you read Sue Monk Kidd's nonfiction, too? If not, do; Secret Life of Bees and the Mermaid Chair are her thoughts translated into something handleable.

Next, take a look at all those FOOTNOTES in Dissident Daughter, all those books she references. If you started there, you could keep busy a loooong time. I know, because I'm still at it! Her bibliography rocks.

The Red Book skews younger than a lot of us might feel, but it's relevant and not preachy and deals a lot with creativity and the divine. She's got a good bibliography of suggested reading, too.

I haven't read it yet, but both of those books reference WHEN GOD WAS A WOMAN, so that's next on my reading list.

Yeah, it'd be cool to all be together in a room talking about this. I'll bring the jasmine tea!

I had to look a long time before I found my husband, and it's never been easy for us to survive together, but it's been POSSIBLE. It got better once I realized that his checking the tire pressure on my truck is incredibly romantic, because he wants me to be safe. His love language is tools, rather than words. I get that now.

But there were plenty of dishonest cretins along the way before I found him. I think we all identify with Suzi's recent brush with a misrepresenting self-obsessed boychild.

I've never seen The Notebook. I just watched the clip Suzi posted. Know what I was thinking while she was demanding that he be a bird with her? I was thinking that if she was at the beach with girlfriends, who really GOT her, they'd have run gladly into the surf too. No coaxing required! They'd have been yelling, "YES! I'm a bird TOO!" or "Not me, I'm a dolphin!" and diving in headfirst.

Romantic guys are very cool. (One of my dear friends is married to one; he's also an artist and faithful, and handsome too; she stumbled upon him by accident after a bad divorce while she was doing something to follow her bliss)

Girlfriends are, however, a more than sufficient alternative. They will GLADLY be birds with you.

Moonsown said...

Oops, I meant "non non fictin!"

Anonymous said...

Moonsown: Yes, I've read the Secret Life of Bees. I just picked up The Mermaid Chair at a thrift store the other day. Maybe I'll read that in between Dance of the Disident Daughter. That book is deep and heavy, or at least that's how it is hitting me at this time in my life. I need time between chapters to ponder. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and recommendations!

Anonymous said...

Hey there...such a coincidence...I just read your entry and then this movie was the Netherlands! Can you believe that?

But I didn't see, work, work...saw 5 minutes though and will hire dvd soon to see it all...

pERiWinKle said...

i want to say 'whatever'. it is what it is. and for everyone it is different. we all have to do what works for us! xx