Wednesday, January 23, 2008

here I am making bunny ears at you

Movie for tonight is Lady In The Water. Pooh will sit under the heat lamp like he does. He ate a little today of the fancy feast, at least he likes that but not nearly enough to be a meal. Ill see how he does tomorrow and when I pick up the fluids Ill talk to the doctor. This is another reason I cant wait to get to Virginia, I dont want to go thru this alone. I dont want to go through anything alone anymore.

So I heard there was a rolled up 20 on the floor and so theres that, which is good cause I can write him off as a coke head and not be sad. being sad sucks. crying sucks. Im done with it. Lets be mad at him instead. Helena Christiansen was interviewed saying she was supposed to see him that day and WHY IS THIS CHICK involved with everyone who eventually dies young? Like Michael Hutchence for instance. Remind me never to sleep with her.

But Im still sad. Look how we think someone beautiful and talented and smart has it all together. They dont. We are all equal. Running around without our heads trying to do it all so that we will have enough fill in the blank to make us happy. All the while your life just keeps going and eventually your body says fk it I cant keep up with you. No one has it all together and even if they do - their body is slowly falling apart. So there is that.


lalamazu said...

Sorry, your feeling so down. Second time I try to comment, so here goes. I was watching Moonstruck the other day and I suddenly thought that you look like Cher did back then. If you had darker hair and eybrows, i mean. I am sure you have the accent as well. I dont know if this will cheer you up. I got you babe! Sorry, I tried.

Linda said...

Suzi,I'm sad about Heath too. And whether it was an accidental overdose of sleeping pills or he mixed coke with the pills, whatever!, it is still ashame and sad. But by the grace of God there go I. It can happen to anybody. Addiction doesn't discriminate. All we can do is pray for the people who are still out there suffering and be an example of sobriety.

Paulette Insall said...

Awwww Sue I'm so sorry to hear you're so down. :( And that Pooh hasn't been eating like he should. Yeah I was pretty bummed when I heard the news about Heath...he's one of my favorite actors. So sad and tragic....

Well here's something that might cheer you least while you're watching it hopefully....I have a new video on faces up on YouTube. Many hugs to you sweetie!!!!

Esttibalys said...

I was just on my way here to tell you that you look so much like a young Cher, and i see that lalamazu just told you that. How funny that we thought of the same thing, the same day, at almost the same time!


I'm sorry you feel sad, it will pass. Flowers and colorful days to you.

au revoir.

Mariposa said...

The sun doesn't shine brightly each day, that is why we remind ourselves that it will again.

One brilliant star blinks out and fades, yet another day emerges and the sun will surely shine once more.

Judy Wise said...

I watched the video of Heath that you posted. Every death brings a sense of loss and sorrow, doesn't it? And that Pooh is not eating well. That has to weigh on your heart too. What can we do, Suzi? We are only pixie dust, here to watch and learn and love each other. Death and sorrow we cannot avoid. I'm sorry your heart is heavy. I care that you are feeling blue. Don't be mad at Heath (I don't think you meant it seriously.) It doesn't matter if drugs were involved. He didn't mean to and certainly didn't deserve to go. Hang in there. We all feel the loss.

saraH said...

I'm so sad about Heath too.
The $20 was clean though, no trace of drugs. I can't stop thinking about this and wondering why it had to happen.

gina said...

it is easier to be mad than sad. but really just know that what you taught me from the mandala .nothing is permanent .andwhat matters is the moment so go get that easel paint your little heart out, so when this cold winter gets over you can go show off your cartwheels on the beach you are such a great mommy to pooh.hes so luchy you love him so much.if heath did cocaine dont be mad at him be mad at the drs who give out dangerous pills like they are candy .ok love ya gina

aprylian said...

Hey Suzi,

You aren't alone, chickidee--we're all here in the world of art and cyberspace. But I hear you--I just found out a few hours ago (I'm not really into the news). I guess he got sad, and didn't stop. Sounds too simple--but certainly happens. Definitely sobering, isn't it? We all could pull the plug at any time--yet most of us choose to live. I like thinking of your mandala video too.

Cyber hugs to you & Pooh,


Annie said...

I feel bad about Heath too but none of us has any guarantee of how long we'll live. This is my philosophy. I try to find a little bit of happiness every day. We just have to appreciate each day as it's given to us. Forget about the past,forget about the future. All we really have is right now. Peace. P.S. I have always thought you looked like Cher too! (young Cher that is)

inge bekaert said...

Hello Suzi,

i found your blog and video's some while ago, but never commented. Now I do.

I also felt sad when I heard the news about Heath. I only knew him through his films.

Suicide or an overdose... It's always sad when someone as young as he has to go. There's also a small child that's going to miss her father and a family that's going to miss him as a son, a brother, a friend. We're going to miss a good actor.

Did he really want to die or was it a mistake...Were it sleepingpills or an overdose... actually I don't think it really matters.
I lost my father (in 1968) and sister ( in 1993), both by suicide and I know how it feels to stay behind. They searched help, but there were no doctors who could help them and because they knew they couldn't be cured, they took the decision to end their lives.
I can live with their decision, but there is a place in my heart that keeps crying for them because I miss them.
When I hear news like the death of Heath I keep on asking myself why nobody saw their pain. Maybe they could be helped !
When I hear all the gossip for example of Britney or Amy Whinehouse I only feel lots of sadness for them. Why doesn't anyone give them real help.
They have lots of money, they are famous.. but surely that's no garantee to be happy.

I learned trough tough experiences and losses that live can be beautiful. Don't search for fame.
Being a good person and being happy is only what matters.
I try to enjoy my live, every day again, even if there are worries, there's always something to be happy about : because the birds are singing in the morning, because the cats act funny, because I love to watch my teenagers growing up , because one of the severely handicapped children in my class gave me a smile, because I found an hour to create something...

I love your video's and the way you make them. You make me smile and gave me a boost to start an own journal.
I really love your paintings: you have an own style and it's one that speaks to me.

So, visiting your site makes me happy, even if you're not always happy.
There are tough times, but never give up, keep looking at what goes right, what makes you happy.

You may have sad moments, you may cry ( I'm a very emotional person...) , but be sure that there will be good moments too.

Take care of Pooh !
I have 6 cats and when my eleven years old Toulouse was dying I cried a whole day and thinking of missing him makes my eyes wet...We tried 3 weeks with the veterinary surgeon, but Toulouse didn't get better and in the end we helped him to die very peacefully.
I have peace with it , because I know we did everything to help him and I am also thankful that I had the opportunity to know him and have him around for 11 years. He really was loved and had a good catlife !

So, take care of Pooh as you do and hopefully all ends well. Take care of yourself and keep on creating !!

Inge ( from Belgium)

Serena said...

I was so sad and shocked to hear the news of Heath's passing too. He doted on his little girl, Matilda, so I can't believe his death was deliberate but we will probably never know for sure. Today on the news, they said that there was no trace of illegal drugs in his body so that's something, I guess. I just hope the media respect the privacy of his family/loved ones.

((((Suzi)))) ((((Pooh))))

P.S. - Enjoy the movie ~

Jillian said...

It is really sad to see a young man, who was a wonderful actor, and had the world in front of him. He worked hard, wasn't fodder for the paparazzi and yet he's gone...

Then I'm listening to my fav fm radio show (Bob & Sheri) this morning and they're talking about Britney Spears and how f'ed up she is living...blah blah blah. The universe sure doesn't make sense sometimes.

Jill Beninato said...

Hey Suzi,
I am right there with you...Heath's death has cast a cloud of sadness over me for the past two days as well...Maybe it makes us confront our mortality when someone so young dies for no known seems so pointless and sad. I feel sad for his little girl who will never know him now, he appeared to be a wonderful father.
Thanks for your kind words on my blog...I am a big fan of your journaling videos and you always inspire me to get mine out and just do it...BTW, where are you moving to in VA? I am in Virginia will love it here. Virginia has a real sense of it's history and it is a beautiful place to live...Welcome!

Sharon said...

Shekhar Kapur's farewell to Heath:

"In Heath I have lost a younger brother. He was one the most gentle, the most honest , most caring,and most compassionate persons I had met. And one of the most honest actors I worked with. I often told him that he had the ability to completely bare his soul in front of the camera, and all I needed to do was make sure the camera could look into his eyes, and through his eyes, the audience could clearly look into his soul. I last spoke to him the night before he died. I had just arrived in New York last night, he said he could not see me that night but really wanted to meet me the next day. he made me promise that I would call him in the morning and wake him up. I tried. Little did I know that his soul had already left his body.

Farewell Heath. I always knew you had an ancient soul. I always said you had a wisdom beyond your years. And somehow I always knew that your spirit was too restless. Goodbye, my brother."


Lin Lin said...

Hey Suzi! Lets talk art. I am so excited about the Sunday monthly journaly thingy. *grin* Really, how fun it will be to share and see what we all create together. Very special, just like you and Pooh. LinLin

Ellen Lyn said...

Dear Sweet Suzi,
I'm so sorry Pooh is under the weather and that you are so sad. I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up but I am out of words....he was young, handsome and talented--it is a crying shame that he had to leave so soon.

I hope Pooh perks up soon, and you too! I will leave you with one of my favorite Chinese proverbs..."You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair."

Hugs to you and Pooh,

P.S. On the lighter side, please know that I am so excited about the Sunday assingments! I have been jounaling a LOT and you had so much to do with that (some photos are up on my blog). Thanks for the inspiration, instruction and love!!! I think YOU ROCK!!!! =)

Dave said...

When a realitive of mine passed away suddenly. I felt heart broken by it. I needed a while to recover from it. May you find the strength to heal from it. I know you will! I hope Michelle finds the strength to heal from it too.

Shelagh said...

Don't sleep with Helena Christiansen.
Your reminder.
What I loved most about Heath was his voice. He had the most beautiful voice. Deep honey dripped Aussie accented gloriousness. Such a waste. Here today and gone, that's the way it goes and it's really hard to figure out. No matter who it is. Death sux.
Hope things improve with Poo. xox

Pieces of me said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are sad. But to each of us comes a time for sorrow. Without it how would our hearts know joy? Take time let your tears fall if you need to they are the balm that heals our souls.
I Luv you Suziblue!

Anonymous said...

Hey, Suzi,

You know, reading all the comments and hearing the funk you are in lately...I came across a woman named Byron Katie not long ago and have been reading some of her stuff. She calls it The Work. And so since I am kind of mulling this around (The Work), it really hits me much harder than it would normally. Normally I would react like most people have expressed here. Normally I would be sad and blue and glum and woe and...But I'm not. I'm not sad somebody died. It has nothing to do with me. It's not my business when people are born and when people die. And on the same token, I'm not going to be sad when a person who is "ugly and has no talent and does nothing useful with his or her life" (to judge it the same way we judge the "sucessful beautiful talented people") dies. Or is born. It all has nothing to do with me.
So then I ask, what purpose does it serve to spend months or weeks or days or hours or minutes suffering about this other person's life. What purpose? Even when it's someone we know personally. Even when it's someone we love. It has nothing to do with morality (i.e. I'll be a bad human being if I don't show empathy and suffer because I heard this news). Even if I go and dedicate the rest of my life to trying to save others from accidentally committing suicide with drugs, or addictions or whatever. Even if I dedicate the REST OF MY LIFE to trying to save someone elses??? The one thing has nothing to do with the other. My business is MY life. To live my life and take care of myself. I am not sad about this man's death because I cannot say with 100% certainty that his death was not timely, was not his destiny, was not serendiptiously the right moment, the right place the right time. Only God can say that, and I obviously am not God. So then how can I sit here and feel bad/sad/mopey/desperate/hopeless/...when I hear of the death of this actor. Or the guy who runs the newspaper stand down the street or that teacher I had in Grade 3 that I hated...My business is my life. To be alive. To lay down, sit, stand up, in every moment of my life. And to be at peace and clear in my mind and happy while I'm doing it, from the moment I am born until the moment I die. It's as simple as that.
** I'm not trying to discount your feelings here or those of anyone else, just wanting to present another take on the situation. I don't believe that life is about suffering, nor am I interested in spending whatever time I have to be alive in this world suffering. And this stuff I've been reading lately has really lit up a bulb over my head in this regard. I just wanted to share this with you--that it's a choice and really doesn't have to be that way, if you don't want it to.
hope I haven't upset anyone, just being truthful here.
peace, lisa in Spain
ps, yah, I agree about the young Cher comment--Id' already thought that myself. I see you as maybe more like her Witches of Eastwick character than Moonstruck though ;)))