I bought strappy black sandels and a red dress and no I cant show you yet because Im taking video and you'll see sunday.
Im going to take that dress everywhere.
Well, wherever a few gallons of gas will take me but I will take it to places
it has never seen.
Thats the kind of life a red dress should have.
And I will say goodbye to summer
and ciao to the trees.
and eat my last icecream.
I think I may change my collage paintings a bit this week and see how it works.
encorporate photos from my real life in with the paintings.
like bits of filmstrips
amongst the painted girl figures
we will see how this works.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I bought strappy black sandels and a red dress and no I cant show you yet because Im taking video and you'll see sunday.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Gave pooh his whole 200 of the fluids.
I had a neighbor stand by to give me emotional support so I could get past that
scary inserting the needle business.
But it worked
Oh this is so wonderful I will save so much money not having to take him to the vet
every 2nd day so they can do it. I did it though, I would though, Id spend my last dime for that little orange puff of fur.
But so now I have money for cowboy boots.
Or a biker boot, Im not sure which. I like the idea of big clunky boots with
a frilly skirt. I cant wait to go shopping!
viva la conquering your fears!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Posted by suzi blu at 1:27 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Yes, I am late with my video. I am sorry. Today was an odd day. Its 8:30 now and I need to go grocery shopping and eat dinner. my vid is still not edited, but my stomach is growling! You will forgive me right? Video will be posted tomorrow before noon. I promise. Have I lied to you yet?
Posted by suzi blu at 5:23 PM
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Next video will be posted Sunday night. Around 8 pm EST.
I am happy, mostly, but with my cats health failing, I'll admit I am a bit melancholy.
But I know thats ok.
In a land of television shows where everyone is pretending they are perfect, we know at home they are just like us, with sweatpants and cats that are sick.
I may be a bit sad but I will still give you a message of hope this weekend.
If anything, this situation is teaching me to live in the moment.
To appreciate what is in front of me because soon it will be taken away.
Monday, August 20, 2007
I have the red lights on. and me and pooh are on the couch.
Just came back from the vet where he got his fluids. properly.
and now it is quiet.
time to make tea.
as we sit
so quietly together.
I bought art supplies and they wait.
maybe I can get a little in tonight.
Posted by suzi blu at 5:31 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Well now tHat was horrible.
Even though me and pooh had success this morning,
tonight my hands were shaking quite terribley.
I just couldnt stick him!
Twice I tried, it didnt go in at all but he felt a little prick because of
my hesitation and said meOW.
Oh my heart!
he had 100 in him this morning which means I can give me 100 tomorrow.
maybe I will just be able to do this in the morning.
maybe I am just better in the morning.
god I thought I could do this.
I think when I stuck him this morning he had no idea what was coming so did not feel it going in and only got upset when he realized what was going on.
Tonight he kept squirming and my hands kept shaking.
there is always tomorrow.
Posted by suzi blu at 3:58 PM
3 papers done
1 more to go.
my back hurts.
its almost 5.
can I complain some more/
pooh needs a second shot since we didnt get it all this morning.
I am scared again.
but it will go well!
carry on - suze
Posted by suzi blu at 2:06 PM
This is to say, that if you thought you couldnt do something, really really thought it was impossible, everything in your body on edge saying NO WAY...but yet you persisted. You can make it happen. YOU can DO anything. anything.
I was able to give Pooh 100 of the 200 fluids that he needs today and will try the other 100 tonight.
But we did it!
I am extremely excited.
Hopefully it will go as well tonight as it did this morning, I think it will though.
I put on soft music, warmed the fluids in a bowl first, I believe it was a better experience for him than the vet, and will save me loads of money. I can actually buy food now with my painting earnings, rather than having everything go to the vet!
and have money for laundry whenever pooh wants it, because he does not like to lay on the same blanket for more than one day. Nor should he have to.
Viva La Pooh!
Viva La Suzi Blu!
I am writing the 1st of 4 papers that are due tonight, the last day of my summer semester. I have until midnight. I must get my head focused. GRRRRRRR.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Come back here round 8:pm EST
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
and I have SO many papers due. it is non stop writing and reading here...making up for chapters I didnt read earlier. OH GOD and then after all of this I have to study for finals that are next thursday and friday...but all I want to do is paint. horrible horrible.
im going to home depot to get wood. at least I can feel it and touch it and put it under my pillow. maybe I can sqeeze in painting time tomorrow?
I rented a movie but I heard it was too graphically violent so Im sending it back unopened! Pans laybrinth. The animation is so perfect but, eh, I dont need to see torture scenes. I am tortured enough in my own life. did I say that!
eh its just all of this homework. and my throat is sore. blah.
blah blah blah. whiney me.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Its colorful and happy and not what I said I was going to do, but when I brought pooh back from the vet I needed something to uplift my mood. So I did this. Tomorrow I will try for gritty and surreal.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Now my computer is down to 5% free space and I have downloaded nothing.
QUESTION: Besides for the Geek Squad which is like 100.00 an hour, where do you take your computer to be fixed/looked at? Circuit City? I seriously have no clue.
anyone with ANY advice would be sooo much appreciated.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
you are not here merely to make a living. you are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. you are here to enrich the world. you impoverish yourself if you forget this errand. -woodrow wilson
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
as I was uploading pygmy horse video yesturday, my computer died. It wasnt recognizing the power cord and thus the battery ran out. Found out I just needed a new power cord so LETS TRY THIS AGAIN.
Its now 12:20
Pygmy horse video is on its way
Monday, August 06, 2007
I feel MUCH better today. you know, once you accept limitations, and make a decision about something, life is easier. I cannot give pooh IV fluids at home no way that is it. maybe sometime in the future but not now. I can give him medicine no problem but I cant control him enough for a needle. So he will go to out-patient. Decision made.
and I feel better. It was just way too stressful - felt so much bigger than me. The solution may not be easy on my pocket ( I cant save to go to Italy)...but my peace of mind is worth it. I am worth it.
I am learning how to make frames for watercolor paintings. I want buyers to be able to put them up on the wall right away. That is my task for this week. I need a few days to catch up with homework so expect a painting a day to appear...oh, whats today, monday...expect to see lots of work starting thursday evening.
and video of the pigmy horses will be up tonight.
p.s. and if no one told you today.........I love you.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
It would be me.
Today was day 1 of giving pooh IV fluids at home. in my house. with no nurse. no vet. just me and my friend.
It went so well at the hospital I didnt think it would be this difficult at home. I got the needle in fine, but once the fluid starts he just doesnt want to sit there. and we had a handle on him really good. from the neck and behind. He sat so good at the vet. but at home, he knows he rules this place. and 3 times he bucked so hard I had to take the needle out and the last time I didnt get to do it gently...so it bled. oh my god. I cried so hard. I felt so incompetent.
so this week I will bring him outpatient to the vet. have them hold him while I give him the needle. practice with their help one more week. its only 27.00 every other day. whats money for anyway. food? Bah, I need to loose 5 lbs anyway.
I did make a video. I did. up until I had to do this with pooh at 6. it wasnt a great painting though and when I went back to it I realized....it was pretty ugly. so, in my crying, panic state after the pooh fiasco, I painted some more and ended up making something rEally ugly. its like a scary ugly angel and I sanded out some parts too much...its jus disturbing. I wouldnt even wAnt someone to buy it and put it in there home for fear of bad vibes or something. Ill take a pic tomorrow and show you anyway. Its just..very horrible.
and i want to crawl under the covers.
and hide. forever.
I feel like Im never going to be able to do this, have him sit there while he gets a needle. the bag takes like 5 minutes. ugh.
feeling sorry for myself. sorry. usually I like to inspire others...but Im afraid right now I need some luv : ((
bah. and its my birthday this week.
lets just jump off a cliff and get it over with!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
On the way to the beach....well, traffic was so bad I did not make it to the beach. So I turned around, and on the way home....passing by a farm by the side of the road...were..
No ponies. These were little freaking horses
and the one with long hair in his face looked at me with this big brown eye
and kissed me and kept kissing me and wouldn't let the other baby unicorns near me.
I have video.
i will show you tomorrow.
oh my sketch does not have a horse in it.
perhaps I will make tWo paintings then.
I usually do homework on the weekends because sunday is when all of my papers are due for the online classes, but Im pretty up to date homework wise and I have been convinced that I need to leave the house. ha. Tomorrow I will shoot video and paint. Today I am going OUTSIDE.
(its muggy tho, and humid and hot and uhhhhhhh Im such an aircondition girl. I was born in August in a hospital room so cold my mother got pneumonia shortly after - I am always reminded. One of my favorite states of being is laying under fat blankets with the air blowing at 65. Because I am crazy, though, I do not like cold weather. In the winter I wear shorts in the house and put the heat on 80.)
I don't know where today will take me. Just going to get in the car and go. Ive never been to the marina in Philly, so probably there. Maybe the beach. Not to lay out but to walk and eat funnel cake.
Poo poo is doing well! Yay poopie lives! I gave him the fluids at the vet yesturday, did I already tell you? Sunday night I will be doing it at home. Poor little kitty cat king. He is jumping more today and doesnt look somber. I wish I could put him in my pocket and take him to the beach, but he is too big.
I want to buy a candy necklace.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Boo! So I cannot buy the super duper video effect that I wantneeddesire so much that would make my life pErfect if I had it, because of the mystery of my draining hard drive. Although I clean it daily (emtpy temporary files, defrag) and download nothing, every day I have less and less free space. the other day I had 14% (which is too small to begin with) and today I have 9%.
I need to find out how much a bigger hard drive for my compter is. I have an external drive that I use for everything but evidently the main computer needs room to work its stuff.
boo boo. I do not like to have to wait.
I will still make super cool video this week. and post sunday night. I promise promise super bohemian trapeze queen ballerina promise.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
What I like about this is the clausterphobic feeling you get, not the bad kind like you're trapped in an elevator and have to pee but of being under sheets on a rainy day surrounded by big fluffy pillows and all of your favorite blankets. At the moment I do not own pretty sheets or nightgowns. Someday I will have them though. I do have many large indian pillows and throw blankets that feel like velvet. Touch is very important to me. I only like to feel soft things on my skin especially at night. I also like to think of the bed as a little theater where dreams take place. The bird here is singing to her. La la la...singing her to sleep, giving her the soundtrack to her dream.
I chickened out today and did not give pooh his needle at the vet but I held his head instead. friday I will be brave. Pooh needs me to be brave.
My next video will be special. Im hoping to have it done by sunday evening. maybe I am getting ahead of myself yet though, Im getting a new effect that might be cool, it might take a few vids before I get the handle of using it. EVENTUALLY though, I will produce a video that is very. very. kewl.
ok almost 8. must eat dinner and watch movie.
I lOve the painting I made this morning. I will post it but first must clean pooh's face and get him ready for the vet, brush his coat and make him pretty for the nurses. Michelle loves pooh, and he's good for her.(meaning he sits still when she holds him and doesnt try to bite like he does some of the other girls). Pooh has always liked girls rather than guys, my little man.
and I have something vEry excited in store for you this weeekend. Todays painting will be the last I post for a few days....until sunday I think. I am making something special, I cant tell you, and Im getting a special effect for the video to really make the paintings COME TO LIFE. so I need time to create it and play. I think Im on to something new, that I think you are going to deeply enjoy.
So! Ah, I must write a few papers today. I have a movie tonight too called EVERYTHING'S ILLUMINATED. oh and I wanted to ask you: My birthday is next wednesday. I want to spend it alone I think. Whenever I am around people on my birthday I feel pressure to have like the best day of my life, you know? so nothing is ever really good. Ive ordered a great book from amazon called: "A Trip To The Stars" by Nicholas Christopher. I want to read it all in one day, somewhere beautiful. maybe by a marina? and drink milkshakes. Thats what I want for my birthday. Any more ideas though? What can I do to make it more of a sacred day?
Ok, on to begining the day. Ill be back tonight at 8:00 to post the new painting. Im very excited to show you!
love and light,