Tuesday, July 17, 2007

love me even tho my house is a mess?

I can feel it. Its like, bright yellow electricity speeding through my blood-sending me energy to go bring out the paints and start on my next two paintings BUT NO. I have to put in the time today, developmental, early childhood, drugs and society, and organizational theory. Midterms are this thurs and fri. !!!!! I am good though. I have always gotten A's killed myself for A's and when I'd get a B Id cry. My philosophy has always been if I dont try my best then why bother. But I can still be a wonderful preschool teacher with B's. I really can. Where I need A work to be is in my paintings. That is something that I can never slack on. Doing my best in painting means Im using my gift to the utmost of its potential. I do not have to be the best housecleaner (mom would disagree) or the best cook or always look perfect and have on great clothes. Although all of that helps and Im happy when everything is clean and I look purty, ahh, to be FREE to PAINT and look like crap and my house needing a good vaccuume and REMEMBERING - this is impermanent. Temporary. These are little things, the way we look, how our surroundings look. You cannot always control these things. I may not have money for the clothes i want and I may not look as pretty today as I did yesturday....but I can bit into this moment, always. I can paint. fully. be in the moment. Laugh and smile.

Byzantium. gold leaf crackling like a dying empire. I want I want I want to paint. It is 9:38, Ive already 'wasted' an hour 'online'. Discipline. study. then paint. then dance a bit. I dont move around enough.

A new video soon. I will tape something tonight.

Have a wonderful tuesday! I hope it is not too humid where you are and you find a bit of artificially cool air. I hope you can stay in the moment today and paint a little something and let the rest GO! It just doesnt matter, how clean the house is. You are not a reflection of your housekeeping skills. I swear! I would love you even with dishes in the sink.

1 comment:

Diane Duda said...

I've been enjoying your art, your words, and your videos...while my house sits here being messy. :)

Happy painting!